Embracing the Silence: A Journey Through Mental Exhaustion and Finding My Way Back

It’s something I’ve kept to myself for a while—something most people, including friends and family, don’t realize: I’ve been struggling. Struggling with depression, with mental exhaustion, and with a deep, relentless fatigue that didn’t just affect my work, but my entire sense of self. For a long time, I wore a mask, pretending everything was fine, telling myself that I just needed to “push through,” that “this too shall pass.” But deep down, I knew I was running on empty.

It’s taken me a lot of courage to speak openly about it, but I want to share this because I know I’m not alone. And if even one person reading this feels understood, feels less alone in their own struggle, then it will be worth it.

The Quiet Struggle

For months, I found myself losing connection with the things I once loved. The passion I had for my work, for my clients, for the projects I had been pouring my heart into—everything just felt like too much. My mind was in a constant fog, and every task, no matter how small, felt like a mountain. I would wake up, go through the motions, and by the end of the day, I was utterly drained. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Depression isn’t something you can just snap out of. It isn’t a bad day or a temporary mood. It’s a heavy, oppressive weight that drags you down. And when you’re used to being strong, to being “on,” it can feel like a failure to admit that you’re struggling. You tell yourself that you should be able to handle it, that you don’t have the luxury of stepping back. But I reached a point where I realized something: the only way to move forward was to first take a step back.

Taking Time to Heal

So, I made the decision to shut everything down. For the entire month of December and the first couple weeks of January, I took a break from the world. I didn’t schedule photo shoots, I didn’t check emails, and I didn’t rush to plan for the upcoming year. I allowed myself the time to be still—to breathe, to reflect, and to give myself permission to just be.

During this time, I learned that sometimes, shutting yourself off from the world is exactly what you need. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary. There’s a sense of guilt that can come with stepping away—especially when you’re used to always being “on” for others—but I’ve come to understand that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anything else.

I spent the first few days of this “break” just trying to let go of the guilt. I told myself that it was okay to not have everything figured out, to not have all the answers. I didn’t have to be busy every second, I didn’t have to be perfect, and I certainly didn’t have to pretend to be okay.

Rediscovering Myself

In the quiet moments, away from the pressures of business, I began to reconnect with who I am beneath all the layers of responsibility and expectation. I rediscovered the things that bring me peace: sitting quietly with my thoughts, remodeling my home, and I’d been meaning to get to podcasting more, and blogging my feelings. I had forgotten what it felt like to simply exist without constantly striving to achieve something.

And gradually, the fog began to lift. Slowly, I started to feel like myself again. The things that once felt impossible now felt within reach. I began to find my way back to the joy of photography, back to the excitement of upcoming projects. But this time, I approached it with a renewed sense of purpose. I realized that in order to truly show up for my clients and my business, I had to first show up for myself.

The Power of Stepping Away

I want to acknowledge that there’s no shame in needing a break. There’s no shame in stepping back to rebuild. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and grind of daily life, in the pressure to constantly perform, especially when you're an entrepreneur. But sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is to stop. To pause. To give yourself the space and grace to heal.

We live in a world that often values productivity over well-being, but I’ve learned that our mental health must come first. You can’t pour from an empty cup. And while I’m still on this journey of healing, I know that I’m moving forward with more self-awareness, more compassion, and more intention than ever before.

Looking Forward with Hope

As I move into the rest of the year, I do so with a renewed sense of clarity. I’m excited about the upcoming projects, the opportunities, and the growth I’ve planned for my business. But most importantly, I’m excited about continuing my own personal growth—learning to listen to my needs, to care for my mental health, and to embrace the quiet moments of rest that keep me balanced.

If you’re reading this and you’re going through something similar—feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or disconnected—I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to take a step back. It’s okay to put yourself first. The world will still be here when you’re ready to re-engage.

And when you do return, you’ll be stronger, more grounded, and more connected to the things that truly matter.

Here’s to healing, to self-compassion, and to finding peace in the silence.